wish i remembered to bring my camera to my dream last night

to do list

watch:
i am cuba (again)
the creak runs red
jeanne dielman
unknown passage: the dead moon story

go see:
new modern wing
aquarium


get out of town

poppy-petalled metaphysics

recently my rad and talented buddy, stiff bequeathed a blog to me that posts old 7"s that t-totally hark back to my youths.
not really into them now, but this ep/album was pretty much on heavy rotation when i was 19.

in other news, remember this lady?
well she's all grown up and got herself an MFA!!! super proud of her!!! and her work is totally majestical. seeeeeee:

evermore

i recall my mom reading to me, at a rather young age 'the raven'. i've always appreciated her insistence to include culture in a multitude of mediums in my upbringing.
that is why when i was watching this and heard this poem by poe it perked my ears and warmed my heart.

I

Hear the sledges with the bells -
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.

II

Hear the mellow wedding bells -
Golden bells!
What a world of happiness their harmony foretells!
Through the balmy air of night
How they ring out their delight!
From the molten-golden notes,
And all in tune,
What a liquid ditty floats
To the turtle-dove that listens, while she gloats
On the moon!
Oh, from out the sounding cells
What a gush of euphony voluminously wells!
How it swells!
How it dwells
On the Future! -how it tells
Of the rapture that impels
To the swinging and the ringing
Of the bells, bells, bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
To the rhyming and the chiming of the bells!

III

Hear the loud alarum bells -
Brazen bells!
What a tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells!
In the startled ear of night
How they scream out their affright!
Too much horrified to speak,
They can only shriek, shriek,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
Leaping higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavor
Now -now to sit or never,
By the side of the pale-faced moon.
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
Of despair!
How they clang, and clash, and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the twanging
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows;
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells -
Of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
In the clamor and the clangor of the bells!

IV

Hear the tolling of the bells -
Iron bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
And the people -ah, the people -
They that dwell up in the steeple,
All alone,
And who tolling, tolling, tolling,
In that muffled monotone,
Feel a glory in so rolling
On the human heart a stone -
They are neither man nor woman -
They are neither brute nor human -
They are Ghouls:
And their king it is who tolls;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
Rolls
A paean from the bells!
And his merry bosom swells
With the paean of the bells!
And he dances, and he yells;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the paean of the bells,
Of the bells -
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the throbbing of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells -
To the sobbing of the bells;
Keeping time, time, time,
As he knells, knells, knells,
In a happy Runic rhyme,
To the rolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells -
To the tolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
To the moaning and the groaning of the bells.

paper crane garland

march:
my first (and perhaps only) visit to a sensory deprivation tank
hockey game
crippling lackadaisical-ness
constant pursuit of equanimity
green tea creme brulee
continual indecision on what to do/where to go for vacation
santa fe
in my ears:
goodie '94


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i only hear what i want

photo by: jason lazarus

not exactly sure what the stars say about my current station, but from what i glean my recent friend pool is stuck in revolving door mode. not to say i am loosing friends emotionally, more so geographically. one to the west, one soon to the east, and i stay firmly in the middle. with my loses i've also had some gains which is exciting, but also leaves me a bit anxious. establishing trust with a new pal is something that takes time and intuition. my inherent nature is to divulge and expound at length about my goings on, but then i realize that this person is new to my sphere and i don't want to scare him or her off. my tendency (as i often say) is to tell everyone down to the lady at stanley's produce mart what my business is, "and why for the love of god did he wink at me? what does it all meaaaaan???!". unbiased and unabashed are my two favorite forms of advice. perhaps that's why my solicitation bears no filter as to whom the receiver is at times.

is privacy something you develop or innately possess?

when the dream came, i held my breath

finally over my cold. minor as it was, my lack of olfactory stimuli leaves me feeling as if one hand is tightly tied behind my back. smell after all is the strongest of them all.

fondest memories from my break:
bax and sadie playing french bingo- "le moto!!!"
waking up in brooklyn with snow outside the window and music for airports lulling me back to sleep...
a metric ton of glitter in accompaniment with the phosphorescent fellas, b.g., hearts revolution at the stroke of midnight, and the k&m FTW- NYE 2009!!

just try not get all mushy listening to this:
swedes do it better

property of complacancy

of the chaos that is my family during the holidays, you realize that your/my family is much like most. scattered, heated, but intrinsically humble and loving. awkward at its best and consistently self conscience much like high school or summer camp. all in all, caring and wholeheartedly earnest and determined.

sober and calm. i wouldn't have it any other way. big barrels of laughing and doubled over with antidotes.